Keep Your Nose Out Of Other People’s Uteruses!

I just got back to the office from my two-week honeymoon. I am waiting for the lift when a coworker that is notorious for talking too much and too loud comes to congratulate me on the wedding. It is unfortunately common in our culture to ask about things that most western cultures think to be too rude, but this one takes the cake.

Coworker: “Hi! Congratulations on the wedding! How are you?”

Me: “Thank you! I am good!”

Coworker: “So, are you pregnant yet?”

Me: *Laughs* “I am not.”

Coworker: “Nah. I’m sure you are. You just don’t know it yet.”

Me: “No. I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant.”

Coworker: “I know you are pregnant! Trust me! Go get yourself checked.”

Me: “I. Am. Not. Pregnant!”

Coworker: “Yes, you are! I have a gift for this kind of thing. I’m never wrong!”

Me: “Well, you are wrong. And I am taking this lift. Goodbye.”

Coworker: *As the doors close* “Go buy a test pack!”

I didn’t buy a test pack. I stopped my pills two years after that exchange and finally got pregnant six months later.