Karma Can Be Jarring

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 24, 2019

(I’m over a friend’s house, hanging out with her, her husband, and their mutual friends who are also a husband and wife. The other husband is sort of a “macho” guy, someone who was a complete jock back in high school. My friend recently had to fix their backyard’s door. I’m not sure what they did, but it made it somewhat difficult to open, so you have to push on it harder than usual to get it to move. I visit often so I know how to open it already, but this is apparently the first time the other couple knew of the door change. I need to use the restroom, and the other husband notices me shouldering the door open.)

Husband: *laughing* “Did you seriously have to throw yourself against the door to get in?”

Me: “It’s hard to open!”

Friend’s Husband: “We recently fixed it so it’s, uh, sturdier now, to say the least.”

Husband: *condescending baby voice* “D’aw, so it’s too hard for the ‘wittle’ girl to get through now?”

Wife: “Don’t be an a**, [Husband].”

(I roll my eyes but ignore it for the most part. Though he’s not the type of guy I would’ve ever hung out with independently, I know they’re still friends of my friends, so I tolerate it. It’s not like he’s a real pain or anything, and I get along with the wife well enough. When I come back out, he makes another teasing remark, but we get over. Not much later, he gets up to use the restroom, as well. He’s not paying attention, still talking to the group as he walks up, turns the handle of the door, and completely smacks against the door mid-sentence.)

Husband: “What the f***?!”

(Naturally, the rest of us burst out laughing. There are even face smudges on the polished wood that he tries to rub away without success. His wife is practically in tears and is still getting bouts of giggles even after he returns. When he sits down, he makes eye contact with me, and he must see the mischievous twinkle in my eye because he holds out his hand to stop me.)

Husband: “No! Don’t. Not another word.”

Me: *grins* “I didn’t even say anything!”

(The wife’s fit of giggles starts up again. The night goes on, and eventually, it is time for the other couple to leave. As we are saying our goodbyes, the husband gives a “one moment” signal to his wife. He faces the door, puts his hand on the handle, turns it, and then practically RAMS into the door! While it’s difficult to open, it’s not THAT hard. He, of course, ends up barreling through as the door swings wide open, tripping and face-planting onto the inside carpeting.)

Friend: “Dude!”

Friend’s Husband: “Oh, Jesus.”

Wife & I: *bursts out laughing again*

(The guy’s not a lightweight when he drinks, and since he only had two or three beers, there was no explanation as to why he did this. Thankfully, his wife was driving, anyway. I haven’t seen them since, but my friend tells me that it’s a running joke that his wife opens the door for him now.)

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