Just What Was Up There?

(I work at the local courthouse. Everyone has to go through security before going inside. Seeing as my town has two state prisons, many citizens are jailbirds! A man deposits his gear into the pan then bolts through the metal detector. The machine starts beeping.)

Security Guard: “Oh? Let me-”

(The man is instantly defensive — red faced and loudly sighing.)

Man: “Yeah, yeah, I know how it goes.” *facing the concrete wall, he spreads his arms and legs, then bends over* “Search me.”

Security Guard: “No, sir” *chuckles* “You don’t have to bend over, not unless we meet under different circumstances.”

(The man remains bent over.)

Man’s Girlfriend: “[Man]! STAND THE F*** UP!”

(Just a normal day going through security…)