Just Switch To Effect And Cause, Duh!

A few years ago, I was working as a Porter/Assistant for Artists/Security technician, all in one Person in a well-renowned festival hall in Austria.

While we tried and succeeded in retaining a very professional and cheerful facade, the inner workings, employees and stagehands were quite discontent and sometimes outright angry, especially during the very stressful festival season. Unfortunately, some of the office workers also grew quite an ego while dealing with high-profile artists, politicians, etc.

One of my jobs as a porter was to man the staff entrance, and give out information to artists, visitors and passers-by alike. I also handled the appointments to the office floors. One time, a woman I had never seen before approached me.

Without a greeting whatsoever:

Woman: “I’m here to see my sister.”

I greeted her and asked for the name of her sister, since like I said, I had never seen her before. She huffed and gave me a stern look.

Woman: “Well, [Name of one of the most arrogant office clerks] of course. How do you not know me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have never seen you before, but I´ll gladly check if she is in her office.

Woman: “I’ll just go up, I know the way.”

She leaves my window and tries to open the front door, which is secured by an electronic lock that I can open for approved guests and personnel. She rattles the door, and I can see on a camera by the door that she waves her hands around wildly, before coming back to my window.

Woman: *Now angry.* “Open the door for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that as you’re not approved yet. If you give me a minute, I’ll call upstairs and have everything sorted out.”

She huffs and waves her hands around again but stays quiet. I give her alleged sister a call and prepare for the worst. The phone rings and she picks up.

Sister: “[Name] speaking.”

Me: “Hello Mrs. [Name], Porter here, your sister is with me downstairs, and would like to visit you. Is it alright to send her up?”

Sister: *Instantly angry.* “You don’t need to call me to tell me my sister is with you, just send her up!”

This would violate several guidelines, which she doesn’t care about the slightest of course.

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but we have to call ahead to check if you’re even in the office, otherwise your sister would wander around the office floor in front of the presidents and intendants offices. It’s for your safety as well.”

Sister: “Don’t give me that! How would I have picked up the phone if I wasn’t in my office right now, duh!”

I sat there, a little dumbfounded and stayed quiet for a few seconds, hoping she would notice what she just said. I shouldn’t be so lucky.

Me: “So, you mean I shouldn’t have called to check if you were in your office, because you picked up your phone when I called, thus I should have known you were in your office before… I called?”

Sister: “Of course, how is this so hard to figure out!?”

Me: *Mentally resigning.* “Alright. I’m sorry I disturbed you. I’ll send your sister up now.”

She still tried to say something but I hung up too quickly. The angry woman in front of my window still huffed and tapped her foot, and I waved her to the door, opened it for her, and waited until she went up to the office floor, mumbling under her breath. I’m certain they had a good rant about how the incompetent porter messed up their day.

My story got some good laughs during a beer with some colleagues later on though.