Just Ring Me Up, Already

(I go into a jewelry store to get my ring checked. I have to go in every six months for the warranty to remain intact.)

Me: “I need to get my ring checked.”

Employee: “Okay, it looks like you have some loose stones; do you wear your ring outside?”

Me: “Yes, I take it off when I do intense things like rock climbing or working out, but I wear it all other times.”

Employee: “You really shouldn’t wear it outside.”

Me: “I shouldn’t wear my engagement ring outside? Ever?”

Employee: “Well, if you lose a diamond and you’re outside you won’t be able to find it.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why my fiancé bought the lifetime warranty with the ring. That way I don’t have to worry about it!”

Employee: “But you should really try to bring in a diamond if it falls out, so you shouldn’t wear your ring outside.”

Me: “Losing diamonds is covered in the warranty, right?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “And it doesn’t affect you if I lose the diamonds?”

Employee: “No.”

Me: “I’ll just keep wearing my ring, then.”

Employee: “Just remember not to wear it outside!”