Just Be Square With Dad

| Related | January 18, 2012

(My dad is playing the zombie survival horror game ‘Dead Island’ for the first time.)

Me: “Your character just woke up in his hotel room. Okay, open that door with the square button.”

(My dad continues wandering around his hotel room.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Looking for a weapon.”

Me: “You just woke up!”

Dad: “I want a weapon!”

Me: “Your character doesn’t even know what is going on yet!”

Dad: “Can that picture frame be a weapon?”

Me: “No! Go out the door!”

Dad: “How?!”

Me: *shouting* “Square!”

(Dad hits circle, the character jumps.)

Me: “Square!”

Dad: “Oh.” *mashes square*

Me: *shouting louder* “Stand in front of the door and hit square!”

Dad: “Oh.”

(The character checks his bag with square.)

Me: “Oh, forget it.”

(A little while later. My Dad’s character has been able to step outside and is talking to other characters.)

Character: “I need help finding my wife. Can you help?”

Dad’s character: “Yes, sure.”

Character: “I need to find pain killers and bandages. Can you help?”

Dad’s character: “Yeah, of course.”

Character: “We need flares. Can you find some?”

Dad’s character: “Yeah, why not!”

Me: “Why are you saying yes to so many quests? Just do one at a time!”

Dad: “Oh. That’s what I’m supposed to do?!”

Me: “Yes! What did you think? You just walk up to them, say yes, and then walk away?”

Dad: “Yes.”

Me: “Just say no to this next one.”

Character: “Please! I need help finding my daughter! She’s probably out there dying!”

Dad’s character: “No.”

Character: *screaming* “Oh, God! You’re making a mistake!” *hysterically sobs*

Dad: “Nice job, look what you made me do!”

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