Just Be Square With Dad, Part 2

(My dad and I are playing a co-op shooter.)

Me: “Okay, so the training exercise says that you need to lift me up to that platform.”

(Dad’s character is spinning in circles.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Trying to move forward.”

Me: “That’s the right analog stick. Use the left.”

Dad: “Analog?”

Me: “The round stick thingy!”

Dad: “Oh!”

(His character steps forward, and starts running into the wall.)

Me: “Oh dear God, just stop. Hit triangle to perform the group action and lift me up.”

(Dad is still fumbling with the buttons, and is hitting every button except triangle. The character is now jumping, spinning in circles, running into walls, throwing grenades and punching the air.)

Me: “Dad! Stop for a second!”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “Look at the remote and hit the button with the triangle.”

Dad: “Triangle?”

Me: “Yes, the pretty green colored triangle.”

Dad: “Ooh, found it!” *hits triangle*

Me: *shouting* “Wait! You have to aim first!”

(Dad’s character throws my character against the wall. Half an hour later, we get past the tutorial and begin the first level.)

Game character: “Okay, keep an eye out for any hostiles.”

Dad: *shouting* “I see one!”

(Dad proceeds to start shooting me.)

Me: “Dude! Stop stop!”

Dad: “Why aren’t you helping me kill this guy?”

Me: “You’re shooting me, you moron!”

Dad: “Oh… oopsie.”

(My health is now incredibly low.)

Me: “Okay, make your character hand me a med-kit.”

Dad: “Uh…” *proceeds to start hitting random buttons*

(Dad’s character is now giving me all his guns and ammo.)

Me: “The. Med. Kit!”

Dad: “Oh, wait, is this it?” *hits grenade button*

Me: “That’s the grenade button!”

(Our character’s both die in the explosion.)

Dad: “…Oopsie.”