Jew Wouldn’t Believe It

(I am Jewish, and always wear a Star of David necklace. I’ve been talking with a human-rights activist staging a protest for the past few minutes. She is much shorter than I am, and my star is at about eye level for her, and clearly visible.)

Me: “… I admire what you’ve been doing here, ma’am. Not many people would have the determination to organize the kind of protests you have done. Could you maybe explain this poster that you have right here? I don’t know what event it’s talking about.”

Activist: “Well, you see, it’s—” *trails off into unintelligible mumbling*

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, ma’am.”

Activist: “HITLER WAS GREAT! HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING! WE NEED HIM BACK! THE D*** JEWS ARE DESTROYING EVERYTHING! THEY ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER! WHERE IS HITLER!? WE NEED HITLER BACK!”

(I back away slowly. My cousin, who is visiting from Israel, comes over.)

Cousin: “Are you all right? You look frightened.”

Activist: *from across the street* “HEIL HITLER!”

Cousin: “When we get home, I’m teaching you how to make [alcoholic beverage]. As soon as you’ve learned properly, I’ll show you how to throw a punch.”

(As we’re walking away, she adds under her breath.)

Cousin: “Why didn’t I listen when they told me Americans were crazy?”