Jesus Did The Opposite Of Count Coins

I am fourteen, and my parents are going through a difficult time and need me to stay with my grandmother for a while.

My grandmother is an anxiety-ridden bull who charges horns forward into every mildly-upsetting situation. It is very embarrassing for me that she makes a fool out of herself everywhere we go together. She is delighted to be my guardian for several months, because despite being an incredibly toxic, selfish, inconsiderate person, she takes pride in being a very faithful Mormon who loves Jesus, and this is her chance to “fix” my atheism.

She shoves religion down my throat at every chance. I already love the principles that Jesus stood for, and I’m so glad that he has so many followers, I just want to be left alone about the fact that I don’t subscribe to a particular religion myself.

We are at the grocery store together, and I have just finished checking out. I make sure our cart is loaded and ready to go so we can move out of the way of the people behind us. She continues to block the checkout counter, painstakingly sorting the change she had just received into segmented pockets of her purse.

I made apologetic eye contact with several people in line. I may not be able to stop her from blocking the register while she sorts her coins, but I can at least move our cart out of the way, so I grabbed the front of it and began to walk towards the door.

Clearly very offended, my grandmother latched on to the handle of the cart, and shoots me a death glare.

Grandmother: “I’m not finished yet,”

She then goes back to sorting her coins. I give another apologetic look to the five customers waiting on her to get out of their way, who by this point are all very irritated. As we are walking out, she huffs to me.

Grandmother: “You care way too much about what other people think of you.”

I reply patiently, with a smile.

Me: “No, I just care about being a decent, Christ-like human being.”

The look on her face was priceless.