Jehovah’s Witless

(It’s about 9 am on a Saturday morning, so there’s no traffic on the road, and I’m reading a book while I wait for a bus. A windowless white van is headed in the opposite direction from where I’m waiting to go. Suddenly it flips a U-turn, passes me again and speeds into the parking lot behind me. Out of habit, I start thinking about where my knife and mace are in my purse in case it has anything to do with me sitting alone. Then a guy dressed in a button down shirt and slacks comes running up next to me from the parking lot.)

Guy: “Good morning!”

Me: “Hi…”

Guy: “We noticed you waiting for the bus and we wanted to see how you’re doing today.”

Me: *completely confused* “I’m fine, thanks.”

Guy: “What are you planning to do today?”

(I notice the bus come around the corner in the distance.)

Me: “I don’t really have time to talk about this. The bus is almost here.”

Guy: “Oh, well, let me give you some light reading for the bus.”

Me: “No, thanks. I’ve already got a book.” *holds up the book I was reading*

Guy: *shoving a pamphlet in my hand* “Take it in case you need a change of pace!”

(He ran off before I could answer and the bus pulled up. I looked down at the pamphlet and then looked back at the parking lot and saw the van taking off. I wanted to tell them that the creepy stalker van was not better than going door to door. They were Jehovah’s Witnesses.)