Jehovah’s Witless, Part 7

(I am about 18 and am not, and will probably never be, a “morning person.” I’m still deeply asleep when the doorbell rings. I groggily get out of bed, pull on some pants and a t-shirt, and stumble to the door to see two young men in black pants, white shirts, and ties — obviously Jehovah’s Witnesses.)

First Man: “Good morning, sir! Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?”

(I am raised in a fairly relaxed Christian denomination, and I have nothing against religious people wanting to share their faith with others. But I’m irritated at being woken out of a sound sleep, so I decide to have some fun.)

Me: “Well, let me make you guys a deal. You can come in, and talk about your faith for as long as you want. In return, all I ask is for you to give me equal time to talk about mine.”

(They look at each other, shrug, and nod.)

Second Man: “That sounds fair enough. What religion are you, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Me: *deadpan and poker-faced* “I’m a Druid. I worship trees.”

(They look at each other, then at me, then at each other again, and walk off without another word. Just as they get to the end of my driveway, I add one final touch.)

Me: *waving* “Walk with the Earth Mother!”