Jehovah’s Witless, Part 11

| Friendly | February 22, 2017

(When my husband and I first moved into our new house, a local religious group kept stopping by at least twice a month to “share” their message. Neither of us are very religious, and we don’t mind people wanting to express their beliefs, but that kind of thing can feel really intrusive. Since my husband works from home, he’ll always keep our two large dogs (a 100lb Rottweiler and an 80lb lab) in the living room and politely tell them we aren’t interested. After a while though, it starts getting really creepy and annoying. Somehow they find out our names and start calling out to us while they rang the doorbell. Finally, I’ve had enough.)

Me: “The next time they knock on our door at 8:00 am on a Saturday I’m going to let the dogs greet them.”

Husband: “Huh? But our dogs aren’t viscous. If a burglar had a chew toy with him they’d roll over and ask for a belly rub while the house was being robbed.”

Me: “Right, but the Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t know that.”

Husband: *sigh* “Fine, give it a try.”

(The very next Saturday, our doorbell rang early that morning.)

Witnesses: “Good Morning, [My Name] and [Husband]! We’d love to give you our newest literature on—”

Me: *to the two dogs* “Guys! Someone’s here! Go see who’s here!”

(I threw open the dog gate and let them go. They stampeded through the house and jumped up onto the front door, which happens to have a decent sized window set in the center. Both dogs were going nuts, but our Rottweiler can get especially excited when new people are over. He planted both of his huge front feet on the door and barked so much he was sending globs of drool at the window. The Jehovah’s Witnesses jumped back from the door and speed-walked to their car parked down the street.)

Me: *lifting our Rottweiler off the door* “I guess they didn’t want to play with you! That’s okay. Who wants a treat?”

(I will point out that normally we make sure our dogs don’t just jump all over new people; they’re actually very well trained. This was definitely a special circumstance. The dogs each got a big treat out of it, and we haven’t heard from any religious groups since.)

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