It’s The B*tching Hour

(I work a Saturday overnight shift with a geeky friend. Our shift starts when the store closes at midnight, so we meet up about ten minutes before so we can catch up on geek gossip while he smokes a cigarette. We usually warn anyone coming up towards the doors that the store will be closing soon. Usually, customers understand and hurry to grab the essentials before the front end shuts down for the night, but one hipster guy just didn’t get it.)

Me: “Just to give you a heads up, the store closes in about ten minutes, so unless you just need to pick up a couple of things they’ll be shooing you out shortly.

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The store closes at midnight promptly.”

Customer: “Well, that’s some bull-s***. This place is 24 hours!

Me: I’m sorry, but the township prohibits 24-hour businesses. I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s an actual law here in [Town].”

Customer: “You’re s***ting me.”

Me: “Nah. I’ve lived here my whole life, and there has never been a 24-hour business within the township limits. Even 7-11 closes for a half an hour.”

Customer: “That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard. You guys are a**-holes.”

Me: “No, seriously. It’s a law from when the township formed back in the 1960s that’s still on the books.”

Customer: *incoherent swearing questioning my moral fiber and parentage*

Coworker: “Aaaaaand, now you have five minutes before the store closes. If you hurry, you can still make it before the front end closes.”

Customer: “Well, f*** the both of you very much. I’ll take my business across the street.”

Coworker: “You do that.” *waits until the customer is out of earshot* “How pissed do you think he’ll be when he figures out [Other Store] closes at 11?”