It’s Still Better Than Twilight

(It’s the first time that my dad and his side of the family are going to meet my new boyfriend.)

Me: “Dad, this is [boyfriend], [boyfriend], my dad.”

Dad: “G’Day there, Nosferatu.”

(My jaw drops and my boyfriend raises his eyebrows. A Nosferatu is a vampire, but not the pretty kind; the horribly disfigured, exuding repulsion kind.)

Boyfriend: “Um… what?”

Dad: “Nosferatu! Like the vampire.”

Me: “Yeah… we know..”

(I drag my boyfriend away to meet the safer members of my family and later tell my mum what my dad had said.)

Mum: “Did he seriously say that?!”

Me: “Yeah. Was he just thinking Dracula or something??”

Mum: “He’s never seen, nor read Dracula. What he does know is the old 1920s Nosferatu movie. He genuinely meant the hideous and repulsive one. I can’t believe he said that.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a nice way he could have intended that, but I really can’t.”

Me: *looking my boyfriend over critically* “You don’t even look like a Nosferatu.”

Boyfriend: “…Thanks?”