It’s Only Good Advice When It Applies To Others

(I work as a mechanical engineer in a quite noisy factory; as such, we’re required to wear ear protection when on the shop floor, but not in the enclosed workshop areas where I work. On this particular day, I’ve spent the better part of five hours straightening a stack of steel plates that came in slightly bent due to a mistake in the drawing not specifying they needed to be pretty much flat. I’m overheating, my arm is sore from all the hammering, and despite my ear defenders the noise is really loud and beginning to get to me, but the job needs doing so I’m doing it. Working in the workshop next door is one of the maintenance managers, a grumpy, unpleasant person slightly past middle age — the kind of person that regularly comes out with statements beginning with, “I’m not racist, but—” or, “these f****** [group of people],” so naturally I’ve grown quite a dislike for him over the years. Having had enough of the noise, the grumpy manager storms in.)

Grumpy Manager: “Do you have to do that?”

Me: “If you actually want the job done, yeah.”

Grumpy Manager: “Can’t you do it at [work bench on the shop floor]?”

Me: “Not without pissing off a bunch of machine operators, no.”

Grumpy Manager: “Oh, just tell them to put their earplugs in properly if anyone complains.”

Me: *in an oblivious tone* “So, if someone complains I should just tell them to put their earplugs in?”

Grumpy Manager: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, put your earplugs in.” *puts ear defenders back on and goes back to work*

(Out of the corner of my eye I saw him go an odd shade of red, begin to gesture wildly, and step towards me before he noticed my direct manager — a man I get along with well and who also dislikes the grumpy manager — on the other side of the workshop keeled over with laughter, and decided not to make an idiot of himself any further.)