It’s Not Cute How You’re Behaving

(I have relatives over. They are not fond of my girlfriend because they consider her weird and childish. My dad and I are preparing dinner when I accidentally cut my finger.)

Me: “S***. Babe, can you bring me a band-aid?”

Girlfriend: *from upstairs* “Sure, hold on.”

(As soon as she leaves the room my dad pipes in.)

Dad: “How can you date someone who dresses like a twelve year old?”

Me: “She’s 23; she can dress however she wants.”

Dad: “And what grown woman collects stuffed animals?”

Me: “She likes cute things. Big deal. A lot of adults collect toys.”

(Before my dad can say another word, my girlfriend comes in with a band-aid, the cutesy kind.)

Girlfriend: “Here, sorry it took so long. I didn’t find any in your medicine cabinet so I got some from mine.”

Me: “It’s fine.”

Dad: “You’re a grown-a** man, you—”

Me: “Stop, just stop. I’ve had enough. It’s a band-aid; it’ll do its job regardless of how it looks. Another disrespectful comment, and you, as well as everyone who shares your attitude, can go check into a hotel.”

(The rest of the visit was thankfully without incident. We’re still not sure if we should tell my side of the family that we’re planning to get married.)