It’s No Lathering Matter

(I work in a cosmetics shop that specializes in handmade soaps. A middle-aged man comes in and approaches me. He seems confused.)

Man: “Hey, my wife sent me in here to pick something up.”

Me: “Sure! What did we need to find for her?”

Man: “I don’t know. She gave me a note and told me to give it to you guys and not read it.”

(Confused, I take the envelope from him and read the note:)

“Hello,

My husband needs to be taught a lesson on the way he should speak to and about women. If you could pick out a nice piece of soap (preferable something mouth-sized) to help clean up his language, it would be much appreciated. I think a nice floral would be appropriate. Feel free to tease and torture him a bit. Some public humiliation might be good for him.”

Man: “So, what does she want?”

Me: *cheerily* “She wants some soap!”

(I select a strong jasmine soap, cut it down to the perfect size, wrap it for him and ring him up.)

Man: “That’s it? She could have told me that!”

Me: “I think she had her reasons. Good luck!”

(The note hung in a place of pride in our break room for a solid 6+ months.)