It’s Like Talking To A Wall-Phone

| Right | February 2, 2017

Me: “Welcome to [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. My phone doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, You’ve rung the number to find out who your phone company is currently. Would you like to know who your phone company is so you can report it?”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, I want to know why my phone doesn’t work. There is nothing on the other end, no dial tone, nothing. I can’t make any calls!”

Me: “You would have to report that to your phone company. Do you know who that is?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: *now a bit confused* “Erm… sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone company. I found an old telephone in the shed, so I plugged it in to the wall to see what would happen, and I can’t make any calls! It’s a disgrace!”

Me: *rendered speechless* “Erm…”

Customer: “What if I was dying or something ? How would I make a call? The government should do something about it; this is a disgrace!”

Me: “So how are you calling me right now?”

Customer: “On my cell phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you unless you want to know who your home-phone company is, and… you don’t have one.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I’m not hanging up until you tell me who I can complain to about this!”

Me: “Madam, as I said before, we are a customer service line to let you know who your current land-line provider is. As you don’t have a land-line, you don’t have a provider. And plugging a phone into a random socket doesn’t mean you automatically have a phone service. With anyone.”

(The customer would not hang up until I gave them the number of ‘someone’ who could fix this. Eventually I gave them the number of the Telecommunications Ombudsman, which she seemed quite happy with. I wonder what THEY made of her call?)

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