It’s Kind To Be Cruel

(I’m on the phone talking to my mother about a nightmare I had that night.)

Me: “Oh my gosh, Mom! It was one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had! It was so bad that [boyfriend] woke me up because I was flailing and crying in my sleep. He was worried about me. Wasn’t that sweet of him?”

Boyfriend: *from the other room* “Hey! Don’t say that! I only woke you up because you were keeping me awake! How dare you accuse me of being kind to you!”