It’s Just Not App-ening, Part 5

Cheapskates, Clients From Hell, Impossible Demands, Technology, USA | Right | May 30, 2025

I’m a mobile app developer. A startup founder hires me to build what he calls a “simple” app. He has… big dreams.

Client: “Okay, so I want to build the next Uber.”

Me: “Alright. Do you have a business model? Wireframes? Feature list?”

Client: “No, no, that’s your job. I just have the vision.”

Me: “Understood. What core features are you imagining?”

Client: “It needs GPS, real-time tracking, in-app payments, push notifications, user profiles, live chat, driver ratings, and an algorithm that matches riders with drivers instantly. Also, can we add food delivery later?”

Me: “That’s quite a bit. What’s your budget?”

Client: “I’ve got $400 for now, and more will come when we’re up and running.”

Me: “That… might cover the ride to the planning meeting.”

I explain that for $400, I can make a bare-bones prototype using mock data. A few days later:

Client: “This isn’t what I pictured. The map’s not moving!”

Me: “Because this is a demo. You’re not actually in a car.”

Client: “Well, make it move anyway. It should feel real.”

Me: “You want it to simulate driving?”

Client: “Yes. Also, can you make it available on iOS, Android, and maybe PlayStation? Oh, and I want it done in two weeks. I told investors it was launching soon.”

Me: “You told investors you had an app… before hiring a developer?”

Client: “That’s how Steve Jobs did it. That guy had vision!”

I fired him as a client pretty darn quick (or… as soon as the money ran out!)