It’s Going To Be A While Before You Can Topping That

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2019

(I’m in line at a popular sandwich shop previously known for having 12-inch subs for $5. I’m behind an older man who clearly has never eaten at one of these restaurants before and has no idea how any of it works.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t get a six-inch sub for $2.50 if the footlongs are $5.”

Sandwich Artist: “The $5 price is a promotion we are running just for footlongs. It doesn’t apply to six-inch subs.”

Customer: “But you’re cheating me out of money. It’s half the size of a footlong, so it should be half price!”

Sandwich Artist: “No, sir. The $5 price is a sale; it’s a good deal specifically because it’s cheaper than what you would normally pay. Six-inch subs are still their regular price.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why a six-inch isn’t $2.50 if a footlong is $5. You don’t get how math works.”

(The customer relents and orders his sandwich and moves on to the toppings area. This concept also seems to baffle him.)

Sandwich Artist: “What kind of bread would you like it on?”

Customer: “What do you mean? You’re going to charge me for bread, too?”

Sandwich Artist: “All of our breads are included in the cost listed.”

Customer: “Fine, give me the white bread. I know you can’t cheat me on that.”

Sandwich Artist: *probably already guessing how this was going to go* “What kind of cheese would you like?”

Customer: “No way… You’re not charging me any more for that, either.”

Sandwich Artist: “Would you like your sandwich toasted?”

Customer: “Oh, and how much does that cost? You’re trying to get even more money out of me.”

Sandwich Artist: *clearly very much done with this customer as the line is growing behind him* “Not at all… Toasting is free.”

Customer: “I don’t trust you. Don’t toast it.”

Sandwich Artist: “Very well. What would you like on it?”

Customer: “Oh, no… You’re not getting me that way, either. Just give me what comes on it for the regular price.”

Sandwich Artist: “Sir, there’s no additional charge for any toppings in this area. You can get as much as you want. Would you like lettuce and tomato?”

Customer: “And how much would that cost?”

Sandwich Artist: “As I said, it won’t cost you anything extra. You can get any of these toppings and condiments for no additional charge.”

Customer: “You’re not going to trick me that way. Just give it to me the way it is, since you’re already cheating me by not charging me $2.50.”

(The sandwich artist was clearly on her last nerve and didn’t even dare to ask if he wanted chips or a drink. The guy ended up leaving with what amounted to nothing more than cold ham on white bread.)

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