It’s De-Cider-ed

(My partner and I are engaged, but she remains ambivalent about the whole “wedding” idea.)

Partner: “Why? We’re technically married already; we’ve been common law for two years. And we’re polyamorous atheists; feels a bit hollow to go through all the pageantry.”

Me: “I just love you so much and I want to have the ceremony and make it official, with the people we love and all.”

Partner: “I love you too, but it’s so much hassle. I’ve never wanted the white dress and all that crap.”

Me: *playing my ace* “I looked it up, and they do weddings at [Her Favourite Ciderworks].”

(Her face freezes. Then it goes through a truly incredible series of expressions, including eye-twitching and rapid blinking; it’s like a human blue screen of death while her feelings duke it out.)

Me: “Honey?”

Partner: “I’ll, uh… I’ll think about it.”