It’s Curtains For This Budding Friendship

, , , , | Friendly | April 4, 2021

I have never had to do much cooking. I always lived with a parent, roommate, or boyfriend who enjoyed it. My fiancé’s mom, who lives with us, loves cooking and hasn’t been letting me help her with that or with cleaning up the kitchen after. She will walk at me until I am forced out of the kitchen. However, she is currently hospitalized and will need to cut back on doing things that require standing when she gets home.

As I am cooking a skillet low-carb lasagna this evening, I am making a gigantic mess. I have chopped onions and cheese everywhere, spilled spices, bowls, and cutlery — it looked like a tornado hit the kitchen! I also have not cleaned up the dishes from making eggs and bacon earlier, though all of them are at least in the sink.

While the lasagna is in the oven, I get every bit of mess except the skillet in use cleaned and put away. I may not cook much, but that means I always happily take cleaning duty — except while living here, of course.

My neighbor enjoys tending his lawn. Through the large kitchen windows, I can see him, and he can see me. He can also see me make two plates of lasagna and take them downstairs. I have a virtual church meeting to attend and barely finish making food in time to attend.

When I go back to the kitchen an hour and a half later to put away the leftovers and clean the skillet, I see that my neighbor is still in his yard. Since it is dark by now, I find this odd, but I don’t think much of it… until he walks across my driveway and knocks on my window! I open it.

Neighbor: “Hey! I’m sorry to bother you. I just wanted to tell you how impressive that was!”

Me: “Thanks! But what was impressive?”

Neighbor: “Your cooking! That mess! How fast and well you cleaned it up! I haven’t seen you cook before, and I was disheartened by the mess. Big messes really annoy me, and knowing I was going to have to see that mess until you finished your dinner was stressing me out. But you got it so clean, so fast! I’ve never seen you in the kitchen before, so I was expecting you to be an utter disaster. And wow, I can smell what you made! Smells good! What was it?”

Me: “Uh, low-carb lasagna. My fiancé is trying to lose weight. It was my first time making it, but it turned out well, I thought.”

Neighbor: “Oh, yeah, that fat guy? I thought he was your dad. He’s your fiancé? He done good, picking you! Yeah, he really does need to lose weight before he becomes a drag on society. Good for him for making that change.”

Me: “Well, uh, yeah, he’s been working on that for a while. I really need to finish tidying up, though.”

Neighbor: “Yeah, I asked the ol’ ball and chain to hold dinner for me so I could talk to you. I’d better get going myself. See you around, neighbor!”

After he walked away, I just stood still for a moment, flabbergasted. I get that he was trying to be complimentary, but dang, was he insulting about it! I also think we need to invest in some window curtains so that maybe this won’t happen again!

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