It’s Basic Courtesy, Dude

I am a prison officer in a male prison, and while I am cisgender female, I am also openly pansexual, and I’m very active/supportive of the LGBTQI+ community.

In conversation with a colleague, he jokingly shares what he thinks is a funny story about a recent intake, who (while still legally required to be housed in a men’s prison) is openly transfemale. He continually refers to this person using their deadname.

Me: “You mean, [Female/Preferred Name].”

Colleague: “No, his name on [System] is [Deadname].”

Me: “Would you like me to prove you wrong?”

I bring up the person’s profile and point out the section for identified gender and preferred name.

Colleague: “HA! ‘Preferred’ name. But his legal name is still [Deadname].”

Me: “Like how my legal name is [My Full Name], but my preferred name is [Shortened Version]?”

Colleague: “…”

Me: “Besides which, under the current departmental policy, you are required to acknowledge her identified gender and refer to her by her preferred name, regardless of your own personal bigotry regarding trans people.”

He left the room shortly after and has not spoken to me since.

I don’t miss our talks.