It’s All Pat-Down From Here

(In our security protocols, if a person alarms our metal detector and cannot remove whatever is alarming, like a too-small bracelet or medical device, we must pat them down in order to clear the alarm. I’m female and walk up to assist a woman who has alarmed because of a knee replacement. We are required to explain all of the pat down and ask legal questions before every pat down. I’ve just finished the legal advisement.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, and finally have you ever had a pat down before?”

Woman: “Yes, but it’s never been this intrusive before!”

Me: “…ma’am, I haven’t even started yet.”