It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

(I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

(By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

(The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

Me: “I’m a fast learner.”