It’s All Dutch To Me, Literally 

Belgium has three official tongues — Dutch, French, and German — yet nearly everybody speaks French, and there are more English speakers than Dutch speakers even though English is not one of our national languages.

This happened today at the reception of the building I’m working in: my coworker was born abroad and is fluent in English, German, and French. However, she doesn’t speak Dutch at all. When we get a Dutch speaker, I generally handle them as, even though my Dutch isn’t perfect, I can be understood and understand roughly 40% of what they say to me.

This story happened as my coworker was alone at the reception. The phone rang, and a Flemish speaker started.

Caller: “Goeiedag, ik wil met iemand van [Company] spreken in verband met een brief van [Employee].” *Hello, I would like to talk to someone from [Company] about a letter from [Employee].*

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak English?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak French?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “Again, no, sir. Do you speak any other language than Dutch?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

Caller: “…Wat mort ik dan doen?!” *What should I do, then?!*

Coworker: “Do you speak English? French? German?”

Caller: “…” *Hangs up with a frustrated scream*

Did he expect her to magically learn Dutch?