It’s About To Go Postal

(We sell masks for CPAP [continuous positive airway pressure] machines. We allow returns if customers don’t like their masks, but we need to ask why.)

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to return a mask.”

(I get her order information and pull up her order.)

Me: “Okay, I see you ordered [Mask]. What seems to be the problem?”

(This mask is designed to go under the nose and over the mouth. It’s a new design of a full-face mask we are really excited about, so we really need feedback whenever it’s returned.)

Customer: “Well, they put a hole over my mouth, and it blows cold air on my mouth and lips. It’s so silly and I don’t like it at all!”

(I’m speechless for a moment because the whole point of the mask is to go over your mouth.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Have you had a full face mask before?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’ve only had ones that go over my nose! Why would you have one that covers your mouth? It’s so silly!”

(I want this woman off my line, because that is exactly what she purchased, but whatever.)

Me: “Well, that’s a popular style mask, but since you’re unhappy with the purchase, you are able to ship it back for a refund.”

Customer: “You don’t send me a label?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Customers pay for the return shipping; it’s outlined in our return policy.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You go to your local post office, tell them the address to ship it to, and they’ll tell you the price.”

Customer: “But I got it through [Parcel Delivery Service]! Shouldn’t I use them?”

Me: “You paid for [Parcel Delivery Service] to deliver to you. You can use any carrier you’d like to send it back to us.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: *repeats* “You go to the store and give them the item, and they’ll give you the price.”

Customer: “It’s that easy?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *click*

(I think I felt my IQ lower a bit just by talking to this woman.)