It’s A Faaaake Showtime

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2020

I’m selling tickets at the box office one night. A family film has just opened, so naturally, we have multiple showtimes for the movie in different theater rooms throughout the day, including a 12:30 and a 1:30 showtime. A group arrives at noon: two grandparents and their two grandchildren.

Grandfather: “Four tickets for [Movie].”

Me: “Sure thing. Were you looking for the next showtime in a half-hour at 12:30?”

Grandfather: “Um… okay.”

Me: “All righty.”

I sell them their tickets and proceed to the next customer. About ninety minutes later, I’m wandering toward the back door to run outside and take a quick smoke break, and I see the family sitting at a bench outside of their auditorium. Confused, as their movie started over an hour ago, I approach them.

Me: “Hey, is everything okay?”

Grandfather: “No, it certainly is not! I wanted the 1:30 movie, but there’s still a movie playing in the theater, and it’s almost 1:30! This is the theater on the tickets you gave me! So why is the previous movie still playing?!”

Me: “Um, sir. The 1:30 movie isn’t playing in that theater. That’s the theater that the 12:30 movie is playing in. That’s the one I sold you tickets for.”

Grandmother: “What? That doesn’t make any sense!”

Grandfather: “Yeah! What does that even mean?”

Me: “We have the same movie playing in multiple theaters. You bought tickets to the 12:30 showtime, which is in that theater. The 1:30 theater is playing down the hall in a different room.”

Grandmother: “Ugh! Why would we have bought tickets to the wrong theater?! That doesn’t make any sense!”

Grandfather: “I said I wanted the 1:30 showtime! Not some non-existent 12:30 showtime!”

Me: “I asked if you wanted the showtime for 12:30.”

Grandfather: “Yeah! But I wanted the 1:30!”

Me: “But you said you would take tickets to the 12:30 when I asked you.”

Grandfather: “But how can you sell me tickets to the 12:30 when I wanted the 1:30?!”

Me: *Pause* “Because I asked if you wanted tickets to the 12:30 showtime and you said ‘okay’?”

Grandfather: “But I didn’t even know you had some ‘supposed’ 12:30 show! I wanted the 1:30!”

Grandmother: “The sheer f****** incompetence of you people! We wanted the 1:30!”

Grandfather: “This is ridiculous! How can you have a 12:30 and a 1:30?!”

Me: *Another pause* “Because, as I said, we have the same movie playing in multiple theaters.”

Grandmother: “But that doesn’t make any sense!”

Grandfather: “What does that mean?! WHAT DOES THAT F****** MEAN?!”

I am becoming increasingly confused.

Me: “It means the movie is popular and we have it playing in multiple theaters?”

Grandfather: “So why did you sell me tickets to the wrong time? I didn’t want a fake 12:30 time!”

Me: “Sir, we have both a 12:30 and a 1:30 showtime in different rooms. I asked if you wanted the 12:30, and you said okay.”

Grandfather: *Bellowing* “BUT I WANTED THE 1:30! NOT A FAKE 12:30!”

Me: “But, sir… I asked if you wanted the 12:30, which I can guarantee is not a fake showtime, and you said yes.”

Grandfather: “BUT THIS IS NOT THE 1:30 I WANTED!”

Me: “Sir, if you want to follow me to the box office, I can change the tickets for you.”


Me: “Right… and that’s the theater that the 12:30 showtime was in.”

Grandfather: “BUT THE 12:30 SHOWTIME IS A FAKE!”

This continued on and on for several minutes, with the grandparents continuing to say that the 12:30 showtime that they themselves bought tickets for was “fake,” that they wanted the 1:30, and that we purposely sold them the wrong showtime, etc. And they ended up refusing to simply switch their tickets to the 1:30 for a good, long while. Eventually, they relented and finally switched their tickets, but they made sure to vocally complain about us selling “fake” showtimes the entire time.

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