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It’s A Blessing And A Curse

, , , , , , | Legal | July 10, 2022

You know that stereotype that Asians look younger? Well, that’s true, at least for my family.

One Halloween, Mom and I decided to dress up together. We wear matching Lolita dresses. On the way home, Dad calls Mom to tell her we ran out of alcohol, so Mom and I stop by my favourite liquor shop to buy some.

We walk out holding the bottles of wine, and we walk right into a pair of beat cops.

Cop #1: *Sighs* “Girls, I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to surrender the wine.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Cop #2: “It’s called underage drinking. It’s against the law.”

Me: “Hey! I’m twenty-two!”

Cop #2: “Twenty-two? You look closer to twelve than twenty-two. I ain’t buying it.”

Mom: “We have ID.”

Cop #1: “All right then, let’s see it.”

I produce mine.

Cop #1: “Huh, so you really are twenty-two. Wait, you’re a guy?*Looks me up and down* “Dang, you look pretty.”

Cop #2: “No s***?” *Sees my ID* “Holy moly! You’re prettier than my girlfriend!”

Cop #1: “All right, you’re clear. Can we see your sister’s ID, as well?”

Mom: “Sure thing.”

Cop #2: “Wait, you’re fifty-eight?! You’re his mother?!”

Mom: “Nonsense. I’m twenty-eight. I’ve been twenty-eight for years now.”

Me: “Some of the other parents in our neighbourhood actually believe that.”

Cop #1: “I can see why.”

Cop #2: *Awestruck* “Hashtag ‘Asians don’t raisin’.”

They let us go, and as we walk away, I hear [Cop #2] murmur to [Cop #1].

Cop #2: “You know, I always thought it was baloney, but maybe there’s some truth to those immortality potions them Chinese emperors were crazy for.”

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