It Takes A Professional

I’m a woman who works in an auto shop. I am sure you can tell where this is going. A customer drives his car into the shop.

Customer: “Can I speak to someone about my car?”

Me: “Let me know what you need and I’ll be happy to help.

Customer: *Blinks.* “I need to speak to someone about my car.”

Me: “Ooookay. What is it about your car?”

Customer: “I need to speak to a mechanic about my car.”

Me: “Congratulations! You found one. What issues are you having?”

Customer: *Looking around above me.* “Is there a manager or the owner around?”

Me: “The owner is around but he’s in his office. He’s not working the floor today.”

Customer: “Well, can you get him for me? I really need to speak to a mechanic. It’s about a problem with my brakes, y’see, so it needs a professional.”

Me: “I am a mechanic, sir.”

Customer: “Come on, dear. Are you going to make me say it?”

Me: “I really think I am, dear.”

Customer: “I need to speak to a man about my car.”

I silently go to the office and interrupt the owner. He understands the situation quickly and comes out to speak to the customer.

Owner: “Sir, I am understanding that you don’t want my mechanic here to look at your car?”

Customer: “Come on, guy! You know how it is. I need someone professional to look at the car.”

Owner: “So my professional mechanic here, who has told you numerous times that she is a mechanic and is available and willing to help you, is not worthy to do so because she what… has a uterus?”

Customer: “Well, I—”

Owner: “Also, and not that this is any of your business, she is my daughter and has been crawling around the insides of a car for as long as she could… well… crawl! So after all this information has been relayed to you I have only one thing left to ask.”

Customer: *Looking defeated.* What’s that?”

Owner: “Sir, are you a professional misogynist or is this just something you do for fun?”

While the customer is guffawing and making spluttering noises, I remind the owner (hi dad!) about the nature of the complaint.

Owner: “Sir, I have just been informed by my professional mechanic that your problem alludes to your brakes. If you have an issue with your brakes, I cannot legally let you leave this lot in case your car is a danger to yourself or others. I also won’t be looking at your car because you’re a human waste stain. If you leave, I will call the police with your registration. However, I am willing to tow your car to your home address for the standard $200 fee.”

After a bit more sputtering, the customer had his car towed to another mechanic (a friend of my father) who made sure that his car was roadworthy despite the driver not being worthy of anything.

Thanks, dad!