It Pains Him To Say It

Boss: “Hey look, can I have a word with you?”

Me: “Yeah sure, what’s up?”

Boss: “I’ve noticed you taking some medicine at your desk. The label says morphine, and I’m afraid that’s not allowed.”

Me: “Oh, weird but whatever. I can take it in the bathroom I guess. It’s just for my spinal pain.”

Boss: “Yeah, that’s not going to work either. Look, we have a strict drugs and alcohol policy here.”

Me: “That refers to illegal drugs; these are prescription ones. I’ve got a severe spinal disorder, and sadly have to live off painkillers. Ask my GP.”

Boss: “No. No drugs at work. In fact I really should send you for a drugs screening now you’ve admitted to taking them.”

Me: “This is prescribed for me by my doctor! It’s legal; what on earth does the company have against me taking prescription medication?”

Boss: “Look, if I took that stuff I’d be high as a kite! I can’t trust you to do your job stoned.”

Me: “I’ve been on this for years! Trust me; I don’t get any kind of high off this.”

Boss: “Sorry, but no. If you insist on bringing this stuff into work, I’ll have to confiscate it and dispose of it.”

Me: “You have no right to take my prescribed meds off me.”

Boss: “You know what? I’m sending you for that drugs screening anyway. You’re too defensive to not be doing something wrong!”