IT Must Stand For “Intentionally Tedious”

One of my reports has to get his laptop reimaged because of a mistake in Central IT. That means basically getting his laptop rebuilt from the ground up — stressy and messy.

It takes nearly two weeks to get this done, because the procedures for reinstalling all the apps are not well defined, and there are always some missing. This is less than excusable because IT themselves specify what the standard build contains, but they themselves cannot update their recovery procedures to match this, so there is ALWAYS some back and forward.

My report finds he’s still missing the VPN that he needs to connect remotely, and he is due to fly out to a client’s site on Wednesday afternoon. Normally, he would be spending the morning at home, getting his stuff together, getting ready to go up to the airport, chilling, or whatever before the flight. But of course, because he hasn’t had the VPN pushed out to him, he has to come into the office that morning to get it achieved, despite the fact that the request to get this done was put in on Monday. It didn’t happen Tuesday because the bloke whose job it was took a day off for some reason we weren’t told about.

So, first thing Wednesday, I’m on the phone with the IT team to get this expedited. 

IT Team: “It will be done today.” 

Me: “Please do it now. [My Report] is due to fly out. This has to be done while he is in the office, and he is not going to be in the office all day.”

IT Team: “Okay, we’ll do it now.”

I can detect attitude.

Me: *Politely* “Thank you. This is mission-critical, as can be seen in the job request.”

IT Team: “Everything you send us is job-critical. If everything is job-critical, then nothing is.”

The upshot of this conversation is me crafting an email that will go to higher management to explain what is going on because I am irritated by this, and I am starting to be concerned about whether it is actually going to get done.

An hour later, my report is still waiting on this software to be pushed out, so I get back onto IT, as they won’t listen to him and his complaints. And again, and again, until it is after midday and my report is in danger of missing his flight. The situation is explained in considerable depth and breadth, but the sulky and surly voice at the other end (I have not met this person, he is in another branch of the company, in a different location) again says, “If everything is mission-critical, then nothing is.” He ends with, “Do you know just how much we have to do here?” as though it’s my fault his team broke the laptop in the first place.

This continues through the afternoon, and by this time, my report has missed his flight and is still at his desk at 5:00 pm. He is now just sitting there at his desk, staring out of the window, motionless, completely out of “spoons”. He’s gone through the gamut of emotions during the course of the day.

Me: “Just go. Leave your laptop here, go home, and take the rest of the week off — paid. We will reschedule the meeting at the client’s location.”

Finally, the software is installed by 5:30, after most everyone has gone home, and I’m still there trying to get in touch with the IT team. And finally, I manage to talk to the person who has ACTUALLY installed the software — not the manager of the team that I’ve been speaking to.

His excuse for not doing it earlier?

Installer: “Why should we have to cater to someone who just wants to go home early? We have to be here all day, so I don’t see why you people can’t stay here all day, as well.”

I made sure that upper management was completely aware of this situation, and I recommended that heads roll because of this.

Fortunately, the client was accepting of our excuses and was prepared to reschedule the meeting for the following week, but it was a serious embarrassment to us and caused us considerable extra expense.