It Is Not Ice To Meet You

(I have just taken my 14-year-old nephew to see ‘The Dark Knight Rises’. We are both massive fans of Batman and they have seen all the movies, animated and live action… apart from one.)

Nephew: “That was awesome; all the Batman films are awesome. I don’t think you can make a bad Batman film.”

Me: “They managed to do it in 1997.”

Nephew: “Naah, it’s not possible to make a bad Batman film.”

(We continue this argument for a few minutes until I decide the time is right for him to realise the truth. I whack on Joel Schumacher’s ‘Batman and Robin’. Initially excited, he is silent for 125 minutes. As the credits play I turn to him.)

Me: “So, what did you think?”

(He is in shock at his beloved Dark Knight, cast in the campy controversy that is ‘Batman and Robin’. He is silent for a minute.)

Nephew: “This has to be the worst film in the entire world.”

Me: “You want to hear something worse? When this was out I worked in a cinema. I had to see this over 150 times. Over a very long, hot summer.”

Nephew: “How did you see this all those times and not go crazy?”

Me: “Vodka, sweetie, and lots of it.”