It Didn’t Scan, It Must Be Free: The Movie

This morning, due to a software update, our registers are extra laggy. An elderly gentleman approaches with two boxes of band-aids. The usual pleasantries are exchanged. 

Me: “That will be $6.50.”

The customer hands me a twenty-dollar bill. I hit the cash option and flinch inside when I see the hour-glass of impending doom.

Me: “Sorry, the register is being a bit slow this morning.”

Customer: *Humorous* “Huh? It doesn’t want my money. Guess it’s free, then, right?”

I laugh politely. A minute passes and the register crashes.

Me: *Cringing inside* “Oh… looks like it crashed. I’m so sorry. Let me try checking you out in a different lane.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, it should be free. I should just go and walk out the door.”

I attempt to check him out again on another register, which freezes just like the first one did before it crashed.

Me: *Shrinking inside* “So sorry. I don’t know what’s with these registers this morning…”

The customer turns to the lady behind him.

Customer: “They’re giving out free stuff today! The registers don’t want our money! Ha!”

The lady makes a half-hearted laugh, and then gathers her things and makes a hasty retreat to self-checkout.

Customer: “You sure you can’t give it to me for free?”

I give him an uneasy smile. The humor has definitely worn off.

Me: “I wish I could, but I’d get fired.”

Customer: “Now, let me tell you something. You should never worry about getting fired. There is always another job out there that pays more.”

I am poking the register, silently praying for it to work.

Me: “Mmm-hmmm…”

Customer: “Back when I started out, I made $10,000 a year. Then they fired me for acting up, and two days later, I got another job that paid $30,000. Then, I left that job because the company went out of business and I got another job that paid $100,000 a year.”

I am thinking to myself how all my attempts to get a job with my degree over the last decade have failed due to my very bad eyesight, how I got my first job with dumb luck, and how it took me months to finally get this current job.

Me: “Uh-huh…”

Customer: “And now I’m seventy years old and just don’t care!”

I want to put my fist through the register screen. Instead, I flag down my boss. I explain the situation and she attempts to get the previous register up and running.

Customer: “It’s like I was telling her, I should just get this for free.”

Boss: *Taking the items* “Let me see what I can do here.”

Customer: “You know, I got paid $50 an hour… Does that mean I owe you like $8?”

My boss mutters out of earshot and then gestures me over quietly.

Boss: “You know, I’m just going to requisition this. Just give him these and send him on his way.”

It takes a second to process this in shock as, after all this fuss, I really wanted his $6 on principle. After a second, I slide his cash and the items back to him.

Me: “Here you go. You can just have these…”

Customer: “Wait? Really? You are giving it to me for free? Man, I should have got more stuff! Please, please can I go get more stuff?”

Boss: “No, I can’t let you get more. But you can take those items and go.”

Customer: “Well, great!”

He walks away.

I am staring dumbfounded after him, feeling flustered and slighted. I give my boss a questioning look.

Boss: “That was not worth the $6.”

That guy is likely at home entertaining his grandkids with the story of how he got free stuff, not realizing he also made a cashier want to crawl out of her skin in the process.