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ISIS Are Pshhh-ing Towards America

| Right | March 7, 2017

(I’m at the soda cooler in a local gas station when a woman comes running in and slams down a bottle of soda in front of the cashier, who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent.)

Customer #1: “I just bought a soda and it’s flat! I didn’t even hear the ‘pshhh’ when I opened the cap!”

Cashier: “Oh, no problem. You can grab another one.”

Customer #1: “I just can’t believe you’d sell a soda that doesn’t even go ‘pshhh’ when you open the cap!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. It might have just gotten damaged during shipping or something and lost its carbonation. You can go ahead and grab another one to replace it. It’s really no problem”

Customer #1: “I just don’t understand why you’d sell one that doesn’t go ‘pshhh’ when you open it!”

Cashier: “Well, I wouldn’t be able to know they all made that noise without opening them all up.”

Customer #1: “Then do your job! Open them up and make sure they go ‘pshhh!’”

Cashier: “I can’t open all the sodas before I sell them.”

Customer #1: “What use are you, then?!”

(At this moment, another woman comes in and grabs some paper towels that are sitting on the counter.)

Customer #2: “Thanks for letting me use these.”

Cashier: “Oh, absolutely. No problem.”

Customer #1: “What’s going on?”

Customer #2: “Oh, I accidentally pulled the gas nozzle out early and squirted a little gas on the side of my car. I’m just wiping it off.”

Customer #1: *turning to cashier; screaming* “You won’t even make sure you sodas aren’t flat, and now you’re trying to cover this poor woman’s car in gas! This is the most corrupt f****** gas station I’ve ever been to! I’m calling Homeland Security on you! F****** terrorists, the lot of you!”

(She storms out. I walk up to the counter and plop down a soda I’m buying.)

Cashier: “You better watch out! I’m evidently a dastardly terrorist out to steal the ‘pshhh’ from your soda!”

Customer #2: “And don’t forget your maniacal plan to spill minuscule amounts of gas on the sides of people’s cars and make them waste their cents!”

Cashier: “Absolutely. It’s all part of my plan to destroy the world economy by minorly inconveniencing people!”

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