Is It A Kermit Or A Piggy?

(My wife is in labor with our first child, and because she is in her late thirties at the time she is considered a higher risk. She has already gone full term and has been induced, but things are progressing slowly.)

Nurse #1: “Hi, just here to check how dilated you are.” *checks* “Only four centimeters. We’ll check again later.”

(About half an hour goes by:)

Nurse #2: “Just checking to see how far along you are.” *checks, makes a not far along comment*

(This happens over and over, until about hour five when my wife has now been checked about a dozen times, and has endured the usual “How are you feeling” kind of questions, until her OB comes in.)

OB: “Hi, how are we feeling now?”

(Before my wife can reply for the twelfth time, I pipe up.)

Me: “Doc, she’s had so many hands inside her today she’s turning into a Muppet.”

(Only my wife laughing her face off permitted my survival.)