IRS = Irate Rambling Scammers

(I get a voicemail stating the IRS needs to speak to me about a matter of unpaid taxes. I see the number and decide to call it back for some fun. I’m a federal law enforcement officer for the Department of Justice.)

Me: “Hello, I just got a voicemail that the IRS needs to speak to me about an important matter?”

Caller: “Yes, can I have your full name and date of birth, please?”

Me: “Sure.” *provides it*

Caller: “Okay, I have your info here and I must let you know I am a federal agent for the US government; my name is Agent Brown. You filed your taxes wrong, and there is now a lawsuit against you in the sum of 5,000 USD. You have to pay it back, and if you do not, then in the next 45 minutes all your bank accounts will be frozen, a warrant for your arrest will be issued, and officers will be at your home to arrest you. All in the next 45 minutes.”

Me: “Wow, really? Five thousand USD and a warrant will be issued for my arrest? On what charges will the warrant be issued? I would like to know what I am being charged with.”

Caller: “Sir, it is a lawsuit that you have to pay; that is what the warrant will be issued as.”

Me: “Well, to have a warrant, you have to have a court hearing, file the charges in the court, have the judge sign off on the warrant, and then execute the warrant. So, again, what am I being charged with?”

Caller: “If you do not pay, your bank account will be frozen and you will be arrested.”

Me: “Okay, lady, let me introduce myself to you. My name is [My Name]. I am a federal law enforcement officer for the Department of Justice, so if you’re going to be impersonating a Federal Agent and what not, you might want to stop now before I report this number. I also know this is a scam.”

Caller: “You’re a federal law enforcement officer? If so, what is your ID number?”

Me: “My badge number?”

Caller: “Your ID number.”

Me: “My badge number is [badge number].”

Caller: “What is your work extension for your phone?”

Me: “Lady, I’m not giving you my work number. You have called my cell phone so, look, this is a scam. Stop calling me.”

Caller: “You are a liar. I know you’re lying because you will not give me your extension number for your work. You need to pay this money or get arrested.”

Me: “Okay, lady, then come arrest me. I will be in uniform since I am heading to work. Also, I am taking this number with me and doing a back trace on it to find out where you’re from.”

(Then I hung up. Guess what? I was never arrested. I bought my lunch about a hour later, and guess what? My account was not frozen.)