Ireland Is A Cottage Industry

(I’m working as a hostess in a busy city restaurant that deals with large volumes of tourists. One afternoon a middle-aged couple comes in for lunch. It’s also important to note that I am Irish.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! How are you today?”

Woman: *turning to husband* “Honey! Wow, don’t you just love her accent?”

Man: “Yeah!” *to me* “You’ve got a nice accent there. Where’s it from?”

Me: “Thank you! I’m from Dublin, Ireland. I’m just over here for the summer.”

Woman: *in a strong southern accent* “Ireland? How lovely! You know, I’m Irish, too!”

Me: “Oh, really? That’s great. What part are you from?”

Woman: “Well, my great-great-grandmother originally came from Cork!”

(I hear this a lot – how Irish-American descendants consider themselves 100% Irish.)

Me: “Oh, wow! So have you ever been to Ireland yourselves?”

Man: “Nah, but we would like to go sometime!”

Woman: “Yeah, we would go if only you guys had electricity there!”

Me: “…?”

Man: *laughing* “Yeah, we couldn’t manage without bathrooms and TVs and stuff!”

Me: *unsure if they are joking* “Haha, actually we do have running water and electricity now… We’ve had it for a number of years, in fact…”

Woman: “Oh, honey, there’s no need to be embarrassed! We think it’s cute how you live in cottages. We’ve seen the pictures of those cute straw roofs you guys have.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Man: “So, tell me… how are you adjusting to city life?”

(It only went downhill from there! I don’t know where they got their ideas about Ireland, but I ushered them into their seats as quickly as possible so that I couldn’t hear more!)