Invasion Of The Snotty Dispatchers

(I’m at large shopping centre, and a group walks past me. They consist of a 20-something-year-old man and woman, and four boys around 10 years old. The woman is speaking with a strong accent, and three of the four boys are speaking very broken English with a range of different accents. All of them are wearing shirts with the same logos on the back and front. An older woman walking past suddenly rounds on the adults and starts berating them.)

Older Woman: “I can’t believe you two are having kids at your age! You should be ashamed of yourselves, having four children when you’re barely even out of school!”

(The younger woman manages to get out a “We’re not-” before being cut off by the man. The man’s speaking loudly enough for several people around to stop and watch, ourselves included.)

Man: “That’s an excellent point madam, especially with the two of us being at universities in separate countries, which makes raising four 11-year-olds boys extremely hard. But I’d like you to take a quick look at our little group – specifically, the ethnicities, accents, and clothing we’re wearing. Now, one possibility is that we’re a group of shapeshifting aliens with a poor grasp of human diversity and fashion, having chosen these forms in an attempt to blend in and gather information for our coming invasion. The other possibility is that you’re assuming incorrectly and these aren’t our children, and we’re with an international exchange project giving these kids a taste of other cultures from around the world. Realistically, which one do you think it is?”

(The older woman stutters slightly, then noticing the now laughing crowd turns to leave.)

Man: “You might want to remember this conversation if you run into one of the other five groups walking around the centre today, too!”

Younger Woman: “[Man’s name], that was mean…”

Man: “Yup.” *to the kids* “Who wants to go find the Lego store?”