Intolerable Intolerance

(I am working as a barista when two young men walk into the shop, holding hands and laughing. They order their coffee and sit down at one of the tables, but about fifteen minutes in a middle-aged man approaches the two of them.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but are you two together?”

Young Customers: *nodding in unison*

Customer: “Could you switch tables, then? You’re making my wife and me uncomfortable.”

Young Customer #1: “I don’t think we’re actually doing anything wrong, are we?”

Customer: “Well, we don’t want to look at it! We don’t believe in being—”

(Suddenly, the young man leans across the table to give his partner a fairly chaste peck on the lips.)

Young Customer #2: “Personally, I don’t believe in being a self-righteous prick, but I don’t ask you to leave.”

(The customer storms back to his table and grabs his wife by the wrist.)

Customer: *to his wife* “Come on, we’re leaving!”

(After the middle-aged couple left, everyone else in the coffee shop stared with wide eyes for a moment, shocked at what had just occurred. Slowly, though, some of the surrounding tables began clapping, until the entire coffee shop was filled with applause.)