Interruptions Do Not Compute
(I work for a sizable company as tech support.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Product] support. This is [Name] speaking. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”
(The woman on the line has a rattly, elderly voice.)
Caller: “What’s a [Product]? I don’t have a [Product]; I have a computer. I need help with my computer.”
Me: “Yes, m—”
(The customer refuses to let me get a word in. I try, but every first syllable I’m talked over. I am honestly impressed how little this elderly woman needs to breathe.)
Caller: “So, I have a new [Operating System #1] computer and I don’t understand; my [Operating System #2] worked just fine. But I don’t understand; it says there’s networks. I didn’t make any networks. I don’t know what a network is. What is [Someone’s Network]? Who is that? I certainly don’t know. I think people are on my network.”
Me: “Ma’am—”
Caller: “That’s not right! What are they doing to my network? All my computer has is pictures of my grandchildren and my ducks. I don’t want people to have pictures of my grandchildren.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. I unders—”
Caller: “You don’t know what kind of creeper could be looking at them. I have lots of grandchildren. But my husband died in 1991. I think that’s ten years ago. No, that’s fourteen. My husband died fourteen years ago.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hea—”
Caller: “He’s the one that got me my ducks. My whole yard is full of ducks. I don’t think he wanted me to have this many ducks, but my grandchildren love them.”
Me: “Ma’am, I—”
(The customer continues to go on endlessly about her ducks, grandchildren, dead husband, and occasionally about the “hacker network,” for the next ten minutes before I finally get enough words in:)
Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, you’re in the gaming department. What I can do is transfer you to [Company] central—”
Caller: “But I don’t have games; I have a comput—”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand that. Let me bring you to the computer people.”
Caller: “Oh, bless your heart. Thank you.”
(I put the customer on hold, dial the appropriate department, punch in the commands, and patch her in.)
Agent: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company] support. Who am I speaking with?”
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Agent: “Huh?”
Caller: “Oh, thank you. I need someone to help me get rid of these networks. I only have two browsers. One is a folder for drivers and the other is—”
Me: *hangs up very quickly* “HEY, [BOSS], CAN I GET MY BREAK NOW?”
Question of the Week
Tell us your story about a customer who couldn't understand the most simple concept.