The Internot, Part 3

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work at a tech support call center for a large Internet, TV, and home phone service provider.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: *provides details* “I need to speak to a supervisor!”

Me: “What’s going on, ma’am? Maybe I can help you out.”

Customer: “MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN STOLEN!”

Me: “Your laptop was stolen?!”

Customer: “I left it right on the sofa, and when I got back, it was gone!”

(I can see on my computer that the customer was just installed a day ago.)

Me: “That’s awful! Well, I’m assum—”

Customer: “I know it’s awful! They’re stealing everything around here. They stole my laptop. They stole my tires. They stole my lawn chairs. Heck, they’ve even been stealing my potted plants!”

Me: “Your plants, too?!”

Customer: “Mmhm. And now, they went and stole my laptop. Well, I need [Company] to send me a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “I said, someone stole my laptop, and I need [Company] to send me a new one!”

Me: “I just want to make sure; it wasn’t a [Company] technician who stole your laptop, right?”

Customer: “No, I don’t know who stole my laptop.”

Me: “Ma’am, you probably want to file a police report.”

Customer: “I’ve already done that, and they don’t know who stole my laptop, either.”

Me: “Well, I can’t send you a laptop. I don’t even have any laptops to send. We don’t sell the computers; we just provide you with Internet service.”

Customer: “How can you tell me that I pay [Company] $120 a month, and you’re not going to send me a laptop?!”

Me: “We just don’t have laptops to send. The computer and the Internet are two separate things. The customer provides their own computer, and we connect them to the Internet.”

Customer: “Well, if you won’t send me a laptop, then I’m going to cancel.”

Me: “All right. The cancellations department is still open; would you like to speak to them now?”

Customer: “Really? You can’t just send me a laptop?”

Me: “No, I can’t. That’s not something we do… ever.”

Customer: “Well, fine. Connect me to them.”

(I transferred her to the cancellations team after that. A couple of days later, I pulled up her account again. She really did cancel her services.)

Related:
The Internot, Part 2
The Internot

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