Internet Sandwich Provider

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, I wanted to complain about the cheese sandwiches you delivered. The cheese was old, all glossy, and the spread cheese was dried out and crumply.”

Me: “Erh… ma’am, I think you might have the wrong number. We’re an ISP. Not a catering service.”

Caller: “Oh. Sorry.” *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, the sandwiches you delivered, they were old. The cheese slices were all glossy and hard, and the spread cheese was dried out!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your misfortune with your caterer, but we are still an ISP.”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “Er… yes, we are. Unless management rolled out another product again and didn’t inform us… those cheese rolls aren’t our fault.”

Caller: “That is the phone number on the invoice!”

Me: “Ma’am. Please. Believe me. This is the wrong number. That’s not our cheese. You can get Internet, cable TV, and landline phone here, but unless you can squeeze it through a cable, it’s not one of our products!”

Caller: *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “About those sandwiches…”

Me: “Ma’am! We are still an ISP. Please find the correct number and…”

Caller: “Nooo! It’s the RIGHT number! I called it right! You just pretend you’re not [Caterer]!”

Me: “Ma’am! Please, tell me what you want from me!”

Caller: “I want you to not charge me for those stale sandwiches!”

Me: “Ma’am, I give you my word: we will not charge you for those sandwiches.”

Caller: “Finally!” *click*

(I closed the ticket with a “do not charge for sandwiches” comment, which my superior fully supported when I had to relay the story to him.)