Insulate Yourself Against Stubborn Policies

Last fall, I bought a bag of insulation for my yard shed to put up behind the pegboard I bought at the same time. It cost about $150.00. Geez, that stuff’s gotten expensive! Between laziness and procrastination, I didn’t look at it again until last week.

Oops. It turns out that my studs in the shed are a different size. What a hassle; I need to go swap out the insulation.

I go to the store. Nyet. They act like I am trying to defraud them out of a truckload of lumber or something.

Employee: “Do you have the receipt?”

Me: “Well, no. Sorry. It’s unopened in a big plastic bag.”

Employee: “Okay, do you have the card that it was purchased with?”

Me: “Uh, maybe. Let’s try this one.”

I try a couple of different cards; neither works.

Me: “Uh, I think maybe I bought it with cash or a gift card, so it’s gone.”

Employee: “When did you buy it?”

Me: “Back in October.”

Employee: “Sorry, no returns after ninety days under any circumstances.”

Me: “Okay, get me a manager.”

The manager comes and tells me the same thing.

Me: “Okay, where’s your manager?”

I wait, but nope. Same thing.

Manager: “Corporate policy changed last September.”

Me: “Sure, but what’s the purpose of the policy?”

Manager: “More profits, better customer service.”

Me: “Right. You’re not making or losing anything on this deal; just swap me the right size and take this back.”

Manager: “Oh, no, The system won’t let us do.”

Me: “Um, we don’t need the system. Just me and you, two humans here, take this perfectly fine, unopened pack back, and give me the right size — which would be cheaper, but I’ll forget the difference.”

Manager: “Sorry, policy is—”

Me: “Okay, sure, policy is policy, but that’s why they have store managers, so you can go around the policy and do The Right Thing for customer satisfaction, right?”

Manager: “Sorry, I can’t risk my job—”

Me: “Yeah? Who’s going to fire you for this?”

Manager: “Regional management.”

Me: “Okay, get them on the phone.”

Manager: “Sorry, I can give you an 800-number for corporate.”

F***ers.