Installed The “Lies” Plug-In

(I work at an antique store but sometimes we get electronics and modern merchandise in the store. I always greet customers when I’m working as cashier since the registers are right in front of the door. This woman walks in and I greet her, but she just glares at me. I knew she would be trouble.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering how can I find out if this actually works?” *she has an old phone in her hand*

Me: “Well, what does it say on the tag?”

Customer: “I already read the f****** tag. It doesn’t say anything besides the description of the phone.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, ma’am, in order for me to find out whether this phone works or not, I would have to unplug the telephone cord. That would turn off our fax machine and our credit card machine, so unfortunately, I can’t tell you if it works.”

Customer: “Well, isn’t there another store I can go to and ask them if they’ll unplug their lines for me?”

Me: “I can assure you that no businesses around here will be willing to unplug their lines to plug in a phone that doesn’t belong to them.”

Customer: “Don’t f****** lie to me, you b****! The other store I went to said they would unplug their lines for me!”

Me: “We’re not affiliated with that store, ma’am. I’m not allowed to walk over there and ask them to unplug their lines.”

Customer: “Well, no wonder you’re such a fat b****! You can’t even walk a couple of blocks to help me?! I want to speak to your manager immediately! Why would she ever hire a fat little s*** like you?! What kind of store is this?! I want to speak to the owner. You’ll get fired, just see!”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll have my manager meet with you shortly.”

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This stupid employee of yours was extremely rude to me! I want her fired immediately!”

Manager: “What has she done to you?”

Customer: “She REFUSED to plug this phone in for me.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I heard the whole conversation. There is no need to lie about someone who’s young enough to be your granddaughter. If you like the other store so much, I suggest you find your phone there.”

Customer: “You’re all racist! I’m calling the person who owns this place! I’ll Yelp how terrible you and your employees are!”

(She promptly left the store, red faced and embarrassed. I never did find that Yelp review, though.)