Insane-itize

I was grocery shopping on a busy weekend. I considered myself lucky to find a line with only two customers in it. The person in front was already paying, so they were basically done. The other customer was a lady with a pretty full cart, but I figured the wait wouldn’t be too bad with just one person, compared to the other lines backed down the aisles.

The first customer finished up right as I got in line. I saw the lady was pushing an empty cart in front of her while also pulling the completely loaded grocery cart behind her. There was also a pile of disposable chucks — like the kind you’d see in a hospital or to house train puppies on — sticking out of the cart, and I noticed that all the groceries currently on the conveyor were on top of the same chucks. The cashier greeted the customer, who then pulled what was presumably her own gallon-sized sanitizer from the bottom of the cart and had both the cashier and the bagger sanitize their hands with two massive squirts. She then handed each of them a pair of disposable gloves and would not proceed until they put the gloves on — and then she gave them more sanitizer on top of the gloves!

I then witnessed one of the most insane checkout experiences of my life. I try to have empathy and not to judge the different things people are doing to feel safe, but this was something else.

Everything — not just produce but boxes of cereal, cake mix, peanut butter, etc. — was already in what looked like at least two plastic produce bags. Even though they were already wearing gloves, the customer still did not want the cashier or bagger touching her things directly. She made the bagger hold a plastic bag to pick up her already bagged items, scan them, then pass them off to the bagger.

The bagger, however, couldn’t just hold the bag open to receive the items but had to hold a separate bag to touch the items and then use that bag to put them into double bags. She also interrupted them every few items to make them re-sanitize their hands. The bagger then placed each bag — which had to be about 40% plastic bag and 60% actual grocery content — into the empty cart, now lined with more disposable chucks, where the customer would wipe each bag down with a Clorox wipe.

At one point, the customer shoved what looked to me like twenty or thirty empty produce bags on the conveyor belt and told them to — you guessed it — bag the bags.

I’m pretty sure every single other customer who came into the grocery store at the same time as me had already left by the time this lady was all checked out. I considered moving lanes several times, but human stubbornness being what it is, after fifteen or so minutes I just decided I was in for the long haul, no matter what.

At the end of the transaction, she asked for help to her car. The bagger volunteered to do it, probably figuring it would save someone else getting subjected to this lady. I would’ve thought he had been sanitized enough at this point. Nope. She made him change his gloves and slather the new gloves with more sanitizer on the way out!

When it was finally my turn, I asked the cashier if that customer came through often. He said, “I’ve never had her until now, but yeah, she comes once a week or so. Chewed out my manager last time for suggesting she just get her groceries delivered. Sorry for the wait.”

I tried to give the guy a tip, but he said they weren’t allowed to accept. God bless the essential workers, for real.