Initiating Potty Protocol

About ten years ago, I was on medication that required me to drink lots of water to stay hydrated. Thus, frequent bathroom breaks. 

At the time, when I had to go, I’d just make the trip and not make a fuss about it. My department manager was very controlling and said he needed to know what was going on ALL THE TIME. After a couple of weeks, he informed me:

Manager: “I’m writing you up for not informing anyone about your bathroom breaks.”

I made sure I talked to him directly over the next couple of days every time I had to go. And everyone in the store with their walkie-talkie on heard me.

Me: “Hey, manager, you needed to know when I’m going to the bathroom. I’m gonna go potty now. Thanks for asking about it.”

Me: “Hey, manager, I’m taking a pee right now… Should it hurt when I pee?”

Me: “Hey, manager, I need to do #1 and #2. Hope it all comes out okay.”

A few minutes later:

Me: *Flush!* “Looks good, I’m back on the floor.”

He calls for me as I’m urinating:

Me: “Hey, manager, you were looking for me? I’m in the bathroom. Be with you in a sec, I gotta use both hands now.”

Store managers and HR stepped in at that point and said I didn’t need to go the TMI route. I responded wide-eyed and as innocently as I could:

Me: “I don’t want to get in trouble… [Manager] told me he absolutely NEEDS to know about my bathroom breaks. I was merely doing what I was directed.”

They said they’d take care of it, and I was specifically asked to never call out bathroom breaks again. 

My coworkers were laughing about this for weeks.