Inappropriateness Has Hit The Roof

(I’m closing alone with my manager when three guys who are very obviously drunk come up to us where we are talking, waiting to shut everything down and leave.)

Drunk Guy #1: “Hi there, guys, how are you?”

Manager: “I’m good, how are you?”

Drunk Guy #2: *slurring his speech* “I’m fantastic. Did you know I was the GM here before it changed to a [Theater Company]?”

Manager: “I didn’t know that, no.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Yeah, I miss this place. Do you still have access to the roof?”

Manager: “Well, yes, we do.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Would it be ok if my wife and I go have sex on the roof? You know, for old time’s sake?”

(I look over to my manager trying not to laugh and he’s visibly trying hard not to crack up.)

Manager: “I’m sorry but I can’t let you up to the balcony if you aren’t staff and that’s the only way up.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Come on, man. I was the GM. You know why you guys have a [Armored Money Pickup/Delivery Service] truck pick up and deliver money for the theater?”

Manager: “Because it’s safer?”

Drunk Guy #2: “No, it’s because I used to drive to the bank with thousands of dollars in my glove box to make the deposit and they realized it wasn’t a good idea when I was almost robbed.”

Manager: “Well, that makes sense.”

Drunk Guy #2: “Exactly! Now can I go up on the roof to f*** my wife since you know I used to work here?”

Manager: “No, I still can’t let you go up.”

(This goes on for a few minutes until the drunk guy’s wife comes over.)

Drunk Guy #2’s Wife: “Good lord, what have you three been doing out here?”

Drunk Guy #2: “I was trying to see if we could go f*** on the roof.”

Drunk Guy #2’s Wife: “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry about him. We’re going to go now.”

(She grabbed him and ran out the door as her face got redder and redder, and my manager and I just burst out laughing.)