In The Mood For Some Klepto Comedy

, , , , | Working | February 5, 2020

(I work as a manager at a clothing store where corporate has a bag check policy. Before clocking out, all employees must check out with a manager. The manager has to check inside their bags or purses if they have them and pat down any jackets they are wearing. If the employee is trying to hide merchandise, we can’t discipline them either, just confiscate it and send them on their way. It is annoying, insulting, and a complete waste of time. After about a year of this, corporate suddenly announces they are ending the bag check. I’ve just gotten off a conference call with the other stores in our district. They’ve been wailing doom and gloom that this new policy will magically turn all their employees into kleptomaniacs. I’m a little discouraged because, while I hated the policy, we are a highly-targeted area for shoplifters and I don’t want our shrinkage to go up any more than it already is. After I hang up, the resident practical joker comes into the office. He’s wearing a coat that’s three sizes too big. The pockets are stuffed full and I can see price tags and shirt sleeves dangling out. He’s also carrying a backpack that’s clearly full of jeans.)

Coworker: *with the most over-the-top shifty-eyed expression* “Hey, so, I straightened the denim wall like you asked and… um… cleaned out… um… I mean, cleaned off the T-shirt table.”

Me: *struggling not to laugh* “Oh, did you now?”

Coworker: “Yep. I’m going to clock out now and because we don’t have bag check anymore you can’t look in here. Bye!”

(Once he left, I laughed for about a minute straight. It put me in a good mood all day. It’s been a year since bag check was rescinded and our shrinkage numbers are still the same. Our customers may still be thieves, but our employees are on the up-and-up… even the practical joker.)

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